Finishing The Bell Jar

Too soon to say goodbye to my classic novel.

The ending I predicted was close to what happened- I hoped that it would end with her recovery, but I really thought that she would take her own life in the end. The book ended with Esther going into a meeting with her doctors to discuss her going back to school and receiving more freedom outside the hospital. It was not as conclusive as I hoped it would be- but it was realistic to someone in her condition. She wouldn’t feel cured or ready, but she would have made enough progress on her mental state to improve her quality of life. I was pleased that Esther was trying to move past her stay at the hospital, and look towards a better future, but it still felt unfinished somehow.

I think a part of me wanted everything to work out for Esther, but even the last quarter brought tragedy for her. Her only friend in the hospital, Joan, hangs herself. The first time Esther has sex, she hemorrhages and almost bleeds to death. The satisfying ending I hoped for was still tainted, which appealed to the dark side of me but disappointed the side of me that wanted a happy ending for Esther. She does get the interview that could lead to her release, but as a reader I can’t be sure if she was released. And even if she was, who’s the say she didn’t attempt suicide again? There was a lot of unanswered questions, just like the rest of the book left me.

Overall, I think I liked the descriptive words Plath used throughout the whole novel. Her words inspired me in my writing, and made me want to adapt some of her literary stylings into my own work. I love the mystery in her words, and how she doesn't give everything away or over explain what’s happening. I didn’t struggle with the language and writing style once I got used to it, it became easier to understand and interpret after the first half. I think the hardest part was watching Esther slowly descent into her illness, and as a reader I can do nothing to stop it. Plath did an incredible job building the suspense of the novel and creating a realistic time frame for Esther’s manic depression to take effect.

“Joan had walk privileges, Joan had shopping privileges, Joan had town privileges. I gathered all my news of Joan in a little, bitter heap, though I received it with surface gladness. Joan was the beaming double of my old best self, specially designed to follow and torment me.” (page 189) I liked this line because it shows how much Esther has changed over the course of the story. She acknowledges that she wants to improve and become who she was before, but she feels unable. I think this is what often perpetuates depression; when the person affected doesn’t feel like themselves, and gets stuck thinking they can never be that person again. At the same time, it shows what Esther aspires to be like, and uses Joan as a way of pushing herself to do better, even if she doesn’t realize it. When Joan is discovered to be dead, it symbolizes Esther’s rebirth and her ability to look to the future and move on from the past.

In this quarter, I really connected with the idea of starting over and trying to access the past self. This quarter showed Esther becoming “perfectly free” by tying up loose ends in her life, and attempting to start over. She spoke with Buddy Willard one last time and came to terms with how he treated her, she told her one night stand to never call her again, and she endured her only friend, Joan, committing suicide. However, all these people were connections to when or why she was in the hospital. By losing these people, one way or another, Esther was able to move past the part of her life that she dreaded so much. Of course, it doesn’t mean she’s cured, but it means she can look towards a better future knowing that she’s grown from being in the hospital.